ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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