I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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