8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
