There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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