I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
