is your mom at the bar?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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