Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
