I'm going to jail i love you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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