I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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