Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
