Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
