Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
