I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
