True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
