You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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