every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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