How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
