I am spending my child support on dildos
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
