really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
