I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
