Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
