dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
