Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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