I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
