That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
