fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
