my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
