Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
