You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
