I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize