I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
