i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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