he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
