If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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