One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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