her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
