ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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