would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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