Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
