No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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