dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
