he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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