would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
