chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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