why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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