it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
