i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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