You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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