That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
