ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
