Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
