"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
