Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You are the jesus of drinking
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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