it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
